Neapolitan complex

Food logic

Beware: Santa is Real

a lesson in how to break bad news to children.


"By now you know how to spell, and have probably realized the letters in Santa also spell Satan ... this is not a coincidence."



"Santa is really a mass-murdering voodoo witch man, kind of like Voldemort except worse."

"He is related to the child-catcher of Vulgaria."



"He achieves immortality by eating little children, whom he first lures with presents."

"He feasts once a year in order to maintain proper plumpness and the rosy cheeks of youth."

"His only kryptonite is the evergreen coniferous tree."


Then add this song to your Christmas playlist --



Your children will hoard pine needles and probably be afraid to step into a mall during the Holiday season, but they'll also beg you to tell them Santa isn't real. You're welcome.

Bro Dino

The highlight of my experience at the Rocky Mountain Dinosaur Resource Center.

The Dentist

Thanksgiving, Macbeth style

Mono pun

clouds are mean

Uncle Sam at a party

Cocoon

This post requires explanation.

1. For Halloween, my roommate’s boyfriend costumed himself as a butterfly, not just any butterfly, a beautiful butterfly, with a wand. And as we all know, butterflies don’t wear clothes. That would be just silly if they did.

2. A few weeks ago I went home to forage supplies. Unfortunately my foraging skills are not as honed as they once were and instead of bringing back a blanket, I brought back a flannel fitted sheet. Imagine my surprise upon unfolding what I thought would have corners and discovering instead an elastic encasement of warmth. I had to put a positive purposeful spin on my mistake to evade judgment: “I meant to bring a flannel fitted sheet, it’s like the new snuggie, a cocoon, if you will.” And then I would demonstrate how one can wrap themselves like a caterpillar with my devisings. The name cocoon developed partially from a visual similarity, but also because I always secretly hope to emerge with wings.

3. Despite my attempts to evade judgment, my friends still made fun of me.

4. I don't have very creative friends. This is what they came up with:

jingle to the tune of "Hey Jude": "if you're .... feeling blue .... take your cocoon .... and wrap it round you...."

football pool