"By now you know how to spell, and have probably realized the letters in Santa also spell Satan ... this is not a coincidence."
"Santa is really a mass-murdering voodoo witch man, kind of like Voldemort except worse."
"He is related to the child-catcher of Vulgaria."
"He achieves immortality by eating little children, whom he first lures with presents."
"He feasts once a year in order to maintain proper plumpness and the rosy cheeks of youth."
"His only kryptonite is the evergreen coniferous tree."
Then add this song to your Christmas playlist --
Your children will hoard pine needles and probably be afraid to step into a mall during the Holiday season, but they'll also beg you to tell them Santa isn't real. You're welcome.
I am a kid Just saying
ReplyDelete